Coming Home From Prison

Except from Journal  November 9, 2016  

Haven't written here in awhile. Keven comes home in 4 days. I am both excited and nervous.

Prison has changed him. There's an empty look in his eyes, he's bitter, he "hates people" and just wants to isolate and find a job. He doesn't want to see anyone other than family when he gets out.

After all he's been through in there, I can't say I blame him. Beaten, bullied and harassed....and for what? Because he's a privileged white boy in a dorm with 99% other races.

The tattoos he got in there are so depressing and offensive, it's painful for me to look at them on visiting days.

This is how we rehabilitate our drug addicts. Its fucked up and if I had thought it would make a difference, I'd join a crusade for prison reform but the FACT (not opinion) is most people view anyone in jail/prison as deserving of it and think they belong there.

I'm obviously bitter.

He's still a boy but realizes he's really a man and wants to act like one. Living the majority of the last 9 years under the influence had delayed his growth as a person in lack of skills, employment and maturity.

I pray that some kind soul will look beyond the evil looking tattoos he got in there and his three felonies and hire him.

P.S.

Years ago I accepted that I may lose him, and now more than ever that could be the case. If not to death to the streets or to prison. I love my son so much. I also feel guilty because I miss Anthony so much and find myself wishing Keven had his personality. Keven doesn't smile (unless forced) is not talkative or affectionate. I just have to accept that.

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Well, here is a reminder that I tried to prepare myself for losing him. You can mentally do it, but not emotionally. I miss my baby boy!

Peace, Love and Hope, Bar